Daring Greatly

A number of years ago, I found my social work someone. Her name is Brene Brown. She did a TED talk that went viral, so many of you probably have already seen it. It is called "The Power of Vulnerability." I have posted it below.

Brene ended up writing a book (her 3rd book) called Daring Greatly that went more into detail about all of the things that she talked about in this video and her other video called "Listening to Shame," and then some. The main negative comment that both the book and video get is that we all know this stuff already. Maybe we do... but have we ever confronted it? Even if we know vulnerability can be good, we still avoid it. We still stick with our shame and don't embrace worthiness. I think Brene makes us think about the way we live through her talks and her book; I think she is so passionate because she convinced herself that she could live happily without vulnerability (as many of us do), and then she found out that really was not true. She had to deal with it; we have to deal with it. Shame, vulnerability, worthiness... we have to deal with these things to live "wholeheartedly," as Brene says.

Because I believe it is important to think about these things, I am going to mention note some of my favorite points from the book:

• We live in a scarcity culture that is "steeped in comparison" - everyone is hyperaware of what we lack. This makes us shame-prone; we have trouble seeing ourselves as enough or feeling worthy of love and belonging when we are always thinking of what is lacking in our life, our world, and ourselves.
• Vulnerability is not weakness. It is daring greatly; it is courageous, and it is freeing. "Often the result of daring greatly isn't a victory march as much as it is a quiet sense of freedom mixed with a little battle fatigue."
• If we don't lean into vulnerability, recognize our shame, and feel the pain, we also won't be able to feel the joy. We often stifle joy by trying to outperform and numb our shame instead of leaning into our feeling and living in the present.
• Living wholeheartedly, and believing we are enough, leads to healthy boundaries in our lives: being able to say no and working on connection with the people who we love and who matter to us. 
• "Connectivity means sharing our stories with people who have earned the right to hear them." True vulnerability is not just a willy-nilly dumping of the most raw parts of ourselves on anyone; it is meant to be employed in trusting relationships.
• Worthiness does not have prerequisites. 
• Hope comes through struggle.

I am still working on seeing myself as worthy of love and belonging, and not shaming myself when I make mistakes. I am still learning about vulnerability and boundaries. I am trying to let go of some of my perfectionistic and people-pleasing tendencies that can steal my joy. I believe that thinking about these things, checking myself often, and knowing where I am and where I want to be are important steps in the process. I hope we can all work on embracing vulnerability and connection with each other so that we can live meaningful lives with the people we love. I think it is worth it.

I recommend all of Brene's talks and books, because even though it might not be brand new information for everyone, she writes and talks in ways that are both convicting and comforting, urging us to confront ourselves on our own journeys toward wholeheartedness.